i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
