there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
