I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
