Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
