I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize