I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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