I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
