If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
