im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
