she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
