I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
