Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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