Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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