shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
