we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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