i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
