My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize