do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
