I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
