Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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