just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
