Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
