Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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