Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
