happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
