toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
