I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
