i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
