After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
