On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Less talking, more tequila
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
