Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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