VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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