Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
