you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
