We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
