the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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