sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
