Your mouth is God's brothel.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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