i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
