Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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