the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
