I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
