Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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