I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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