I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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