He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
