New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
