ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
