Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
