tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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