the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize