my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
