You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
