someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
