Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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