so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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