Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
