i just had sex bonerless
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
