You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
