Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize