If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
