I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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