I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
