no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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