my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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