Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
