If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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