Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my sisters under your porch take her home
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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