The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
